the games we play

Is it a cultural thing or are all humans inherently antisocial? You've experienced it, you're walking along minding your own biz and you spot someone you once knew, or kind of know, went to school with, whatever. Point is you know them. You may not know their life story, but they're a notch above the average passerby. So how come you both walk by each other without saying a word, pretending not to see each other? It's a cute little game we play; you stare at the ground and they try really hard to look preoccupied, straining to find that someone who really isn't there until you pass each other, for fear you may (gasp) make eye contact. Then you might even have to say hi to them. That would be the worst case scenario. Not only is it rude, but it's so darn awkward too. I say it would be better to just say hello. It takes way more energy to go out of your way to avoid the person. Why not just smile and say, "Hi, how's it going?" You don't have to have an hour long heart to heart with them, just keep walking.

I mean it's one thing if that person really doesn't see you or you appear busy and they don't want to bother you. Aside from that, people who pretend not to see you are lame-O. There's this biatch that I always see at the gym who I was friends with in high school, whom I haven't spoken with since, who does the whole "I don't know you anymore" routine. How self involved can one be? Anyone who thinks they are too good to acknowledge another human being is seriously confused about their shit and the fact that it stinks too. It doesn't mean you have to be phony about it either, just polite. Just be polite. Is that so hard? Well biatch at the gym, is it?!

not a movie buff

I recently saw the movie, Saved!, which I found to be quite entertaining and humorous. This may come as no surprise, since I already made my disdain for organized religion known. What really struck me though, were the previews. Man, has the movie industry continued to sink to new lows. What a bunch of crap we have coming to a theatre near us. These new movies include a lot of overly-dramatic pseudo soul searching and recycled themes. I mean how many Victorian era themed movies do we need to see?

The old, "simultaneously flash a bunch of images in the most rapid manner possible" method is widely popular on the big screen, but that doesn't necessarily make the movie appear to be less sucky. I suppose all those enticing images are intended to evoke some kind of emotion, but NAY. I'm not fooled. No siree. I know I'm not the only one either.

A lot of these new movies seem to be composed of a lot of presentation, but no substance. I know this isn't a ground breaking discovery considering that's the basis of pop culture, but it's just such a travesty when considering the money that's spent doing these films. Who approves some of these flicks? For instance, I saw the previews for one that was particularly awful; Will Smith leads the battle against robots gone berserk. Wtf. Robots? Will Smith, you are a tool. I don't respect you. I want you to know that.

Summing up the robot gone bad movie would go something like: bad plot, bad acting, plenty of action, great special effects. Empty entertainment, that's what that is. Kind of like empty calories. Those special effects must have cost a pretty penny too. What a waste of money. On top of that, I bet that navel gazer Will Smith got paid lots of money. That makes me boil.

Which brings me to my next point, why do actors get paid so friggin' much? Why do athletes get paid so much? The entertainment industry as a whole gets paid way too much. This ties into the distribution of wealth being grossly disproportionate as a whole. People with more important roles in our society who contribute to a greater cause don't get paid squat, yet cokeheads like Ben Affleck have a summer home in Georgia and a Manhattan penthouse and yada yada yada. It just aint right.

How can this be explained? The water-diamond paradox. How is it that water, a resource which we cannot live without costs a dollar per bottle and a diamond, which we can go a lifetime without, costs thousands? Scarcity has a lot to do with it, since water is far more abundant than diamonds, as you probably know. Perhaps this may not fully explain why actors get paid more, because they certainly aren't rare. They come a dime a dozen, in LA at least. One thing does hold true in regards to the water-diamond paradox however; most of the actors and celebrities out there, despite their net value, we definitely can go a lifetime without.

A Perturbed Teenager's Take On Breeders of the Less Intelligent Kind

The other day my mom came into my room and asked me if I could come downstairs and watch my sisters five month old while she picked up her other two grandkids from school. This was something that took about 20 minutes max, but those 20 minutes were pretty hellatious, let me tell you.

Picture scraping feces out of the crevices of a screaming child's rear, which was pretty much what my babysitting adventure summed up to. This made me wonder why so many people longingly aspired to have children. Why? Why do people want to have kids so bad? I know there's benefits to having children, but there's also a good chance that your kids will hate you no matter what. Scraping feces out of the crevice of my kids ass does not equate to them not resenting me in the end. It should.  And if that's the case, where do I sign up? And to think people keep popping out those suckers like they're going out of style.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a child hater. Kids are great. I like to play with them, then send them on their way.  What I hate most is people who have kids whom aren't fit to. Some people shouldn't breed! But those who shouldn't breed happen to be breeding the most! My sister for instance. She's a sub par mother, which is fucked, as she has three kids. They're always sick, aren't fully potty trained and were basically raised by the t.v. Just pop in some Disney! Disney is crack for kids. Little Bobby can't read for shit, but he will recite "The Emperor's New Groove" to you word for word. Then they grow up to be retards like their parents. And the cycle continues. It's not their fault. But it's not mine either and I'm paying for it. We all are. The population is exploding as it is, we don't need more useless human beings around taking up our precious oxygen. The philosophy on having children should be comparative to that of obtaining a drivers license; it's not a right, it's a priveledge.

Not too shabby of an idea, eh? Competency tests would be required prior to engaging in procreation. Those who pass can freely have children and those who don't can have, for instance...a gold fish, perhaps. They would be free to retake the competency test and their progress on caring for a gold fish would be observed by the people from social services. Then if they improve they can upgrade to a mammal. And so on and so forth. That would make the potential creators of pathetic human beings think twice about creating pathetic human beings. That or just sterilize everyone. Whatever's easier.

corruption

One of life's biggest problems. It seems to seep its way into every arena. Even academia. The university system is inherently evil nowadays. Well, I suppose it's always been inherently evil. It used to shut out minorities and women in the past and it probably still does. It's becoming more of a profit making scheme than anything; a very lucrative business. It's a darn shame though. We're paying quite a chunk of change for it...take a look at the skyrocket in tuition, out of state fees and private school costs. And what exactly is the difference between private college and state college, besides the price tag? Why is private school much more expensive? I've got a friend $100K in the hole because of private school tuition. Is she worried about finding a job? Absolutely. I don't think she should be feeling that way. At that amount of tuition she paid, there should be an included guarantee of employment upon graduation. Doesn't that sound fair? Nevermind. That's a stupid question, I'm sorry I asked it. I will say though, that private school kids are not guaranteed success with the amount they shell out, but I'm sure they're receiving better treatment. State schools are so overcrowded since not everyone can afford or is not willing to borrow money for private school (rich getting richer, poor getting poorer) so that pretty much means special treatment is out of the question. My school is a dog-eat-dog world because of high demand and low supply. Administrative attitudes are so impersonal and cold. If you come to them with a problem, their way of solving it is to redirect you somewhere else. There are actually two main phone numbers to the school which everyone gets filtered through and if you listen carefully, each will tell you to call the other number for help. I see students AND teachers around me getting screwed over all the time. For example, some fee increase proposals and ideas are put out to the student body as a choice, in the form of a popular vote. Majority rules, end of story. However this year, the president of our school decided to overturn a vote for NO increase on a fee that would contribute towards the budget for the athletic department. Hello, uh, I didn't think that was allowed. Though I suppose since he is the president he has that power, because he is God himself lest you forget. It's also a little uncanny that he chose to overturn a rejected fee increase for the athletic department of all departments. Why not overturn a rejected fee increase for the art department or something we're actually good at, because it is my understanding that my school sucks at sports. It's not that the athletes have it bad either; I've seen their weight room and it's not too shabby. Wanna know why this happened? Corruption, that's why. Pressure from the athletic department, a payoff perhaps (these are all just theories, not all theories pan out). A vicious cycle. But I firmly believe that the people will prevail. I still hold on to my copy of the "Kiss My Aztec" as hope, which is a mock rendition of "The Daily Aztec", our school newspaper. A handful of censorship bandits pulled the greatest stunt and handed out oodles of this literary masterpiece on the free speech steps. It was quite vulgar, politically incorrect, raunchy and completely hilarious; a 1st amendment lovers paradise. It included letters sent by the Kiss My Aztec staff to the Daily Aztec staff, about the opinion editor, Joe Zarro. It went something like this:


Dear Daily Aztec,

Joe Zarro sucks donkey dicks and fills his lame fedora full of donkey cum and that's why he's such a fucking donkey fucker.


Sincerely,
The Kiss My Aztec Staff

The newspaper also included a free self addressed cut out post card, which they discouraged you from cutting out and mailing, that included a picture of President Weber's head superimposed onto Da Vinci's statue of David. They cut out the part where the penis was supposed to go and proposed a "Draw Weber's Cock Contest" which you were, once again, discouraged from cutting out and mailing.

Thank you Kiss My Aztec staff, for pioneering the revolt against censorship, complaisance and all things corporate. Hooray for solidarity! We will prevail!

You know for sure that you're at an all ages show when you look at the audience and see kids making out during the band's set. Ah, to be 13 again.

I started my new job last week, which is at a center for international students at school. I've met quite a few foreign students since I've started, which can get pretty interesting. On my second day, I witnessed the most pitiful of instances, involving a couple of Japanese kids and a used car purchase gone bad. Apparently, the sales guy at the car dealership smelled naivety all over the obvious out of towner and decided to bend him over and do him dry. Long story short, the Japanese kid bought a car that didn't have one functional seat belt in it. When he noticed (after he got home) he decided to immediately go back to the dealer and bring it to the attention of the salesman, who told him that it wasn't his problem anymore. Unfortunately, our foreign friend bought the car "as is", for a lower price. Well now you can imagine the predicament this guy was in; he was pretty much screwed. He had no one else to turn to but the advising center at his school...who has nothing to do with his problem. And you should have seen the look on his face. When explaining his story, he was so nervous and flustered that he couldn't get out a complete sentence. It was hard to watch. His roommate, who was more fluent in English, had to step in and take over explaining what had happened because it was obvious the other guy was struggling. The saddest part of all: he told the car salesman that he was going to tell his advisor. "I'm gonna tell"; quite the threat. That would surely instill fear into the heart of any car salesman. As pathetic and humorous as that is, it melted me. Poor little guy. The innocence of this kid, exploited and manipulated by some greaseball trying to push bunk cars off his lot. What a way to start his visit here. Welcome to America! We suck young blood! I suppose that's the way the whole world works, not just exclusively the U.S. Every community, whether it be the animal kingdom or human society, is composed of predator and prey. Everybody has their turn to take and be taken. All we can do is try to break even in the end.

levitate me

Now that I'm out of school for the summer I can do all those things that I wanted to do but never had time to. I've been thinking recently about one of those things, which has been a long standing project; to make a t-shirt that says I survived catholic school. When I mentioned the idea to one of my heathen friends, he suggested that I add ...let's fuck after the I survived catholic school bit, which IS a pretty good idea, except some tool who sees me out there will probably think I really want to fuck him. And we can't have that.

Not that most catholic school survivors wouldn't happily oblige to such things. However, if the stigma attached to catholic school girls being skanks is really true, I can say that I am the exception to the rule (for the most part). Although, I can attest to knowing several peers from catholic school who were total sluts. I basically grew up going to catholic school, which is pretty much why catholicism has become the bane of me. I went for all of my grade school years, except for 2/3 of the year in 6th grade. My experience with public school ended when I was told that I could not go to 6th grade camp unless I went to the catholic school across the street. I guess my mom couldn't risk me coming back from public 6th grade camp "knocked up" or anything. Especially since I still played with dolls, had not graduated from an undershirt to a bra, nor could I even begin to fathom what a clit was...until high school at least. Anyhow, there were still plenty of girls that I went to catholic school with who pretty much had their placentas dragging on the ground. And who can blame them? All that oppression has to manifest itself one way or another. Catholic school can only drive one to such limberness.

mating call of the new millenium

Bars...ah what a genius invention. A business that specializes in getting people loaded enough to send them into a drunk and horny frenzy, thus allowing them to hump like apes. The dim lighting, which helps make everyone there less unattractive and the deafening music saving you from pathetic conversation. What a magical combination! A real recipe for success if you ask me.

Sure it's easy for me to bag on the bar scene now, but I am actually quite the attendee. I've been going to the same bar for almost two years now and I swear I'm the grand caca because I know all the people that work there. I think anyone would at that point. But by that logic, that would mean that Norm and Cliff from Cheers were lame-o's. In the real world (and by real world I mean Norm and Cliff's world outside of cheers) I'm sure Norm and Cliff were losers. Cliff was a postman for godssakes. However, once they entered cheers they were the coolest. And that's what my bar is to me. It's the place where everybody knows my name. And of course, they are always glad I came.

Anyhow, I don't go to bars to get laid believe it or not. And girls like myself have developed a tactic to avoid people who do. I call it the "buddy system" but its also more commonly known as "cock blocking" amongst men. For instance, a few weeks ago a friend of mine and I were making our way through the bar and a young man decided to pinch my friend's ass in order to get her attention. He succeeded and began to divulge in some small talk with her (what's your name, what's your sign) that the music failed to drown out. It was then my job at that point to drag her away, suggesting that I "spotted" our friends or something urgent caused us to leave immediately. In my opinion that's the easiest way to deal with the situation. Just bail. However it's not always foolproof, because it wasn't long after I began to yank my friend in the opposite direction that joe donut shouts, "Why you hating?" Right in my face. Just like that. I couldn't even begin to know how to respond to that seeing as though he gave both my companion and I douche chills. Incredulously, in addition to being reprimanded for "hating" on this guy, his friend demanded that I give him some respect. That just knocked my socks off. In any case, we escaped them, but not for long. After the clock struck two and everyone scrambled outside to attempt a last minute hook up or to simply just talk, we interfaced with our gentlemen callers once more. This time they sent their friend over to ask us, "Are you two lesbians?", to which I simply answered by laughing boldly in his face. I suppose the crude laughter stung the ego a bit, so joe donut blatantly added, "They look like lesbians." I laughed some more. Oh the humanity. You see, I'm all about loving thy neighbor and treating others like I'd like to be treated, but for those who are asking for it, there is no mercy. So I walked over to the first guy I saw, nudged him and told him, "Want to hear something funny? This guy just asked us if we were lesbians! I guess that's how he justifies us not being into his shit", and just cackled like a hyena. I don't think they liked that. Then I proceeded to demasculate them as much as I possibly could. I think I succeeded, because they left with no digits, no love and their fruit of the looms all in a jumble. yay.