I've been self conscious about my excess body hair since the tender grade school years when the boys on the jungle gym used to call me "werewolf" and proceed to howl at me. My legs and arms were particularly hairy and my mom wouldn't let me shave, so I maintained a reputation as the sasquatch girl for quite some time. Those things tend to stick with you.
So today I'm bleaching my arm hair, as to disguise it. Being teased for having body hair,
like all mammals do, stuck with me. So I bleach. The pain was noteworthy. It was particularly unbelievable. It felt like an army of flesh eating ants were running rampant on my forearms, feasting away at the tender skin. I tried to distract myself by pacing in circles in front of the clock. You have to wait 8 minutes for the bleach to work and it was a long 8 minutes. The pain was excruciating. I knew the masochist inside endured the entire 8 count even when my hair had already appeared to turn blond. No mishaps would occur on account of technicalities. Not on my watch.
As I rinsed the potentially long term damaging chemicals from my flaming red skin, I reflected, all this torture...and for what? The bleaching, the waxing (done that too and I'll tell you it's no walk in the park), the tweezing, the dyeing, all for what? Wanting to look better is one thing, but the reasoning behind this also goes along with the conclusion that I've drawn up, which is this: there are too many of us. Women. Too many of them. Too many beautiful women, dang it! Too many!
Has anyone else noticed that the ratio of attractive women to men is devastatingly off these days? As I wander around my college campus, searching for some kind equality in the quality of appearances between the sexes, I am tremendously disappointed. It must be great for men who have their variable pick of the good looking litter. Women on the other hand, get the short end of the stick. They're forced to compete fiercely amongst each other for the male, which can get downright ugly. Enter tweezing, waxing, dyeing, dieting. This invariably leads to a higher ratio of attractive women. It's not science. You can pretty much go from a 7 to an 8 in full makeup. Female population numbers are significantly higher, but why? Well I'll tell ya.
This may not be news to you, but perhaps to some. Seeing as though the Y chromosome has been the main proprietor of the earth's destruction and all, I think mother nature finally decided to get rid of the problem by getting rid of the source of the problem. Who knows if men will become entirely wiped out in the future. Of course the entire human race will be wiped some time in the future, that's the goal, but this time it won't be women and children first. Calling all men! Your days are numbered. Tis' a shame. Yet as long as men continue to lead wars, rape and create ridiculous modern intelligence, their chances of survival dwindle. One does not live to speak of the wrath that is Mother Nature. And as the Y chromosome dies off, women might continue to evolve into super beings. I can see it all now. The planet consists of bionic females with killer good looks, tremendous physical abilities, cunning, super powers and a bravado wit to boot. Of course we'll continue our legacy with a vile of sperm we wear around our necks, biogenetically engineered, for us, by us. I'm not suggesting we will make the sperm from scratch mind you. That would be superfluous. Of course we saw the death of the Y chromosome thing coming and thought ahead. Call it, saving for a rainy day if you will. And I will.
