girl you know its...girl you know its...girl you know its

In case none of you got the title, that was a Milli Vanilli reference. *Circa 1989-1992ish.

Speaking of sell out-lipsynching-phony baloney-poser-wannabe's, is this the end of Ashlee Simpson?

One can only hope. She's hell-of annoying. There's quite a buzz going on about how she got busted lipsynching on a show who's premise pretty much revolves around being live and uncut, hence the "live" in Saturday Night Live. I missed the actual SNL blooper that occurred this past Saturday, but thankfully I was lucky enough to view the footage on the internet. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend that you view it ASAP:

http://media.skoopy.com/vids/vid_00318.wmv

Hilarious. This has been a great week for me. First Fidel Castro falls down and then Ashlee Simpson humiliates herself. Two for two. In my opinion they both asked for it. Learn from Milli Vanilli. Own up to the lipsynching. People know that Britney Spears lipsynches on tour because she can't sing and dance at the same time. That requires too much talent. But at least she owns up. And people can respect that. The worst part of all, the lowest and slimiest part, is when she blames the band for what happened. Absolutely vile. "GOSH! The band started playing the wrong song, so I didn't know what to do! Tee-Hee!" Uh-no, Ashlee (its so annoying that she spells her name with two e's instead of a y), you just don't have the guts to admit that you just blew it. Well in theory, the sound engineer screwed up, but if she hadn't been pretending to sing in the first place she wouldn't be in this mess. She just looked more stupid by trying to backpedal and cover it up by blaming the poor band. But the best part was her first reaction to the incident, which was to dance like a blackfaced fool in a minstrel show.

I will leave you with the wise words of the late Tupac, which I find to be very appropriate at this moment:

"Youse a, beat biter, a Pac style taker
I'll tell you to ya face you aint shit but a faker
Softer than Alize with a chaser"

Ashlee, you are indeed softer than Alize with a chaser.

*Editorial Correction

quote of the week

Here's the quote of the week, chosen by yours truly and pulled from the San Diego Reader's weekly featured "Off The Cuff":

Q: Why do you live in San Diego?

Phillip Kincaid, a software programmer in Mission Beach answers:

"The climate, the girls, the ocean...everything! The people are so much nicer here, or maybe the ladies are simply easier on the eyes, making it harder on my heart...It doesn't even matter that it's more expensive down here because the cost of living in the whole state is so high. I don't mind the Mexicans either; my girlfriend is Mexican. What I could go for less of would be the traffic on the 5 freeway."

eh? I don't mind the Mexicans either? What was that supposed to mean? Is the fact that he doesn't mind the Mexicans contrary to the rest of the San Diego population that does mind the Mexicans? Oh thank you noble sir, I'm so glad the brown people don't bother you. How big of you to be able to rise above being around all "the Mexicans". Quite a feat. I suppose if he wants to live in such a beautiful city like San Diego, then he has to give up something. I mean you can't have everything; this isn't a perfect world. Dang it. What an idiot.

momentum's a bitch part 2

Follow up J.Lo Problem:

How much pressure was exerted on Jenny from the block's stiletto Manolo Blahnik's if 125 lbs of ass is riding on them, and the radius of her heel is 0.10 meters??

Well...pressure is equal to force over area.

P=F/A

We are estimating J.Lo's weight at 125 lbs, so her weight in kg's is 57 kg. We also know that the force of J.Lo is 559 N, from the previous problem. We can also find the area from the radius of her stiletto heel, which is 0.10 m. Therefore the area, being pi*r^2, is equal to 0.0314m. Now plug and chug:

P= 559N/0.0314m = 1.8 x 10^4 pascals.

Good god that's a lot of pascals. So nearly 18,000 pascals of pressure are being sustained on those itty bitty stiletto heels on J.Lo's corn infested feet. If J.Lo had done the math, perhaps she would have been spared from falling down and going BOOM on MTv that fateful day.

momentum's a bitch

It's really odd when you see people that you would never perceive as pathetic, succumb to those real, raw and embarrassing moments in life that us blue collar shmoes deal with on a day to day basis. It's foolish of us to believe this, almost as foolish as that idiotic spread in magazines that portrays stars in real life scenarios claiming that, "they are just like us". As if they were some kind of droid super beings. Thanks to US Magazine, we are reminded weekly that celebrities do maintain the same activities that us less attractive non-celebrity folk maintain. I forgot that the stars shop for ointment and get pimples. I was beginning to think that they were demi gods.

I digress...

So when you see someone you would never expect, say, fall down for instance, it leaves you with this feeling of confusion and emptiness...OR it can be completely gratifying. It depends on the person. I've experienced both sensations recently and I'd like to share them. The less comfortable experience entailed an outing with a friend who I consider to be too cool for school. He spins records at a local bar, is covered in tattoos, never looses his cool, yada yada yada. As we're heading to his place, I suppose he put a little too much zest into breaking a jog up the steps of his apartment and completely fumbled. He tripped and went heaving forward, but didn't actually fall. He just made a big racket and looked really stupid. I'll tell you, I was stunned. I would have never seen that one coming. It was so hard to watch. It wasn't pleasant nor comfortable. That's something that would surely happen to me, but not to Mr. Cool DJ man. My world was shattered.

On the other hand...When I saw Fidel Castro take that spill on the news, Jesus Christ, the elation I felt. I couldn't believe my eyes. Fidel fucking Castro ate shit on national tv. MWWAAAHHH HAH HAAA HAAAAH! I love it. That's something you just pray to see but never do. How absolutely delightful and gratifying. Aww, did Mr. Big Scary Dictator Man fall flat on his face? Oopsy. Are you ok Fidel? Because that looked really bad. I love how that entire legion of Castro's flunkeys raced to his aid lickity split. They practically mobbed him, trying to pick him up so fast. It doesn't matter how fast they pick him up, everyone still saw him fall. I can just imagine those tools shouting, "My liege are you alright?!" To which he responds by shoving them off of him and shouting that he's fine. Damn it, I bet his ego was crushed. His balls probably inverted. His penis curled up into his body like a noise making party favor. Thank you sweet Jesus, for allowing the world to view Fidel Castro fall on his face, over and over again.

Second runner up would be J.Lo, when her rotund ass went down on the making of her video "My Love Don't Cost A Thing". That primadona may be able to escape sleeping on a thread count of less than 500, but she could not escape the merciless effects of gravity. It leaves no prisoners behind. The laws of motion are clear. Here's a fun application problem. If J.Lo's mass is 125 lbs, what is the magnitude of the force with which J.Lo's body flung forward like an ape on the making of her "My Love Don't Cost A Thing" video? After 3 seconds of being airborne, what is her final velocity if starting from rest?

Given: acceleration due to gravity=9.8m/s^2; 2.2lbs=1kg

Gravity took her at a rate of 9.8m/s^2 and her mass is 57kg. Force equals mass times gravity, therefore the magnitude of the force is 559 Newtons(N) . 559 N's of J.Lo hit the ground, but her velocity is equal to her initial velocity plus twice the acceleration*time.

v=vo+2at

Since J.Lo was airborne for a total of 3 seconds, her initial velocity was 0 m/s and her acceleration was 9.8m/s^2, her final velocity must have been 58.8m/s when she struck the ground. Nice. Physics is fun. What's today's lesson? Momentum is a bitch.