momentum's a bitch

It's really odd when you see people that you would never perceive as pathetic, succumb to those real, raw and embarrassing moments in life that us blue collar shmoes deal with on a day to day basis. It's foolish of us to believe this, almost as foolish as that idiotic spread in magazines that portrays stars in real life scenarios claiming that, "they are just like us". As if they were some kind of droid super beings. Thanks to US Magazine, we are reminded weekly that celebrities do maintain the same activities that us less attractive non-celebrity folk maintain. I forgot that the stars shop for ointment and get pimples. I was beginning to think that they were demi gods.

I digress...

So when you see someone you would never expect, say, fall down for instance, it leaves you with this feeling of confusion and emptiness...OR it can be completely gratifying. It depends on the person. I've experienced both sensations recently and I'd like to share them. The less comfortable experience entailed an outing with a friend who I consider to be too cool for school. He spins records at a local bar, is covered in tattoos, never looses his cool, yada yada yada. As we're heading to his place, I suppose he put a little too much zest into breaking a jog up the steps of his apartment and completely fumbled. He tripped and went heaving forward, but didn't actually fall. He just made a big racket and looked really stupid. I'll tell you, I was stunned. I would have never seen that one coming. It was so hard to watch. It wasn't pleasant nor comfortable. That's something that would surely happen to me, but not to Mr. Cool DJ man. My world was shattered.

On the other hand...When I saw Fidel Castro take that spill on the news, Jesus Christ, the elation I felt. I couldn't believe my eyes. Fidel fucking Castro ate shit on national tv. MWWAAAHHH HAH HAAA HAAAAH! I love it. That's something you just pray to see but never do. How absolutely delightful and gratifying. Aww, did Mr. Big Scary Dictator Man fall flat on his face? Oopsy. Are you ok Fidel? Because that looked really bad. I love how that entire legion of Castro's flunkeys raced to his aid lickity split. They practically mobbed him, trying to pick him up so fast. It doesn't matter how fast they pick him up, everyone still saw him fall. I can just imagine those tools shouting, "My liege are you alright?!" To which he responds by shoving them off of him and shouting that he's fine. Damn it, I bet his ego was crushed. His balls probably inverted. His penis curled up into his body like a noise making party favor. Thank you sweet Jesus, for allowing the world to view Fidel Castro fall on his face, over and over again.

Second runner up would be J.Lo, when her rotund ass went down on the making of her video "My Love Don't Cost A Thing". That primadona may be able to escape sleeping on a thread count of less than 500, but she could not escape the merciless effects of gravity. It leaves no prisoners behind. The laws of motion are clear. Here's a fun application problem. If J.Lo's mass is 125 lbs, what is the magnitude of the force with which J.Lo's body flung forward like an ape on the making of her "My Love Don't Cost A Thing" video? After 3 seconds of being airborne, what is her final velocity if starting from rest?

Given: acceleration due to gravity=9.8m/s^2; 2.2lbs=1kg

Gravity took her at a rate of 9.8m/s^2 and her mass is 57kg. Force equals mass times gravity, therefore the magnitude of the force is 559 Newtons(N) . 559 N's of J.Lo hit the ground, but her velocity is equal to her initial velocity plus twice the acceleration*time.

v=vo+2at

Since J.Lo was airborne for a total of 3 seconds, her initial velocity was 0 m/s and her acceleration was 9.8m/s^2, her final velocity must have been 58.8m/s when she struck the ground. Nice. Physics is fun. What's today's lesson? Momentum is a bitch.