american me: friggin' prude
I come from the two most sterile and prudent backgrounds: Roman Catholic minority raised in the U.S. Ok so I'm mostly American; pretty white washed in fact, which is something I'm not proud of. Yet I have carried out the tradition the women in my family lived most of their lives, which entails a lifestyle that includes shameful and submissive undertones.
The girls locker room in my gym is a testament to my own discomfort with my naked body. I have the changing strategy down pat. I was somewhat aware of my changing habits in comparison to the rest of the girls in the locker room, but it became undeniably evident that I was a little wound up in terms of changing my clothes in public when I went to the gym with a friend who grew up in Europe. My first move when changing into my gym clothes is to put on my t-shirt. To avoid exposing my boobs I put on my sports bra first, and then carefully slip my regular bra out from under the sports bra. I then put on my gym shirt and change out of my pants, that way, my tee shirt is long enough so that no one can see my underwear. It's all very strategic. Meanwhile I carefully position my clothing and struggle to cover my breasts with one hand, while I pull on a shirt with the other, I look over and my friend is not wearing a shirt...nor a bra...and she doesn't seem to give a shit.
So at this point I'm thinking, "this is awkward." I'm listening to my friend's story but out of my peripheral vision I can see 2 boobs. I fight hard to not allow my eyes to move south. I pretend I don't care that I can see her tits. This whole time I've been struggling to avoid being seen (gasp) naked. And my comrad is naked like it's easy. This is the norm right? In the girls locker room you get naked. Plain and simple. So why can't I do it? Am I the psycho here?
Well I'm going to be very cutting edge and shift the blame in order to survive the change I'm going through here. The Anglo/Western civilization deal has made me a prude, because our puritan forefathers had a stick up their asses and they passed it along to their descendants. My Roman Catholic/Hispanic background has taught me to feel ashamed and guilty about my body. What a combo! Thank you society.
Yet, everyday is a work in progress. I now occasionally change my bra without the sports bra over bra method. Well, only when no one else is around...but I always run the chance that someone will walk by and see me. I also started showering at the gym. That was a big step for me. Well, that is only if the handicapped shower is available so I can take all my clothes in and change there. EH, I'm screwed.