american me: friggin' prude
I come from the two most sterile and prudent backgrounds: Roman Catholic minority raised in the U.S. Ok so I'm mostly American; pretty white washed in fact, which is something I'm not proud of. Yet I have carried out the tradition the women in my family lived most of their lives, which entails a lifestyle that includes shameful and submissive undertones.
The girls locker room in my gym is a testament to my own discomfort with my naked body. I have the changing strategy down pat. I was somewhat aware of my changing habits in comparison to the rest of the girls in the locker room, but it became undeniably evident that I was a little wound up in terms of changing my clothes in public when I went to the gym with a friend who grew up in Europe. My first move when changing into my gym clothes is to put on my t-shirt. To avoid exposing my boobs I put on my sports bra first, and then carefully slip my regular bra out from under the sports bra. I then put on my gym shirt and change out of my pants, that way, my tee shirt is long enough so that no one can see my underwear. It's all very strategic. Meanwhile I carefully position my clothing and struggle to cover my breasts with one hand, while I pull on a shirt with the other, I look over and my friend is not wearing a shirt...nor a bra...and she doesn't seem to give a shit.
So at this point I'm thinking, "this is awkward." I'm listening to my friend's story but out of my peripheral vision I can see 2 boobs. I fight hard to not allow my eyes to move south. I pretend I don't care that I can see her tits. This whole time I've been struggling to avoid being seen (gasp) naked. And my comrad is naked like it's easy. This is the norm right? In the girls locker room you get naked. Plain and simple. So why can't I do it? Am I the psycho here?
Well I'm going to be very cutting edge and shift the blame in order to survive the change I'm going through here. The Anglo/Western civilization deal has made me a prude, because our puritan forefathers had a stick up their asses and they passed it along to their descendants. My Roman Catholic/Hispanic background has taught me to feel ashamed and guilty about my body. What a combo! Thank you society.
Yet, everyday is a work in progress. I now occasionally change my bra without the sports bra over bra method. Well, only when no one else is around...but I always run the chance that someone will walk by and see me. I also started showering at the gym. That was a big step for me. Well, that is only if the handicapped shower is available so I can take all my clothes in and change there. EH, I'm screwed.
3 Comments:
Funny thing to me is that it was Catholic school grades 7 through 12 that turned me into a locker room "nudist" of sorts.
Well, to be specific it was gym class in school that turned me into a "nudist" of sorts.
I remember my first day of the seventh grade when Sister Mary Alice informed us that with no exceptions we would all be showering with soap for a minimum of five minutes per day after each gym class. My first reaction was you've got to be shiting me!?!?
I thought I was gonna die of embarrassment the next day when we were to officially start gym class.
And then that witch (sorry, I don't mean to offend, but that's what she was) had some twisted rule that we were not allowed to wear a towel wrapped around us on our way back and forth to and from the showers, we had to strut around nude the whole time. In fairness, the showers were group showers that were out in the wide open with no privacy of any kind, so maybe she figured there wasn't any purpose to cover up for the minute that it took to walk to or from the shower?
But at the same time it seemed like she was trying to get some kind of a show or something.
Anyway, much to my surprise I quickly adjusted to the showers and the entire locker room nudity thing. After a few days it no longer bothered me that my classmates were seeing me nude or that I was seeing them nude. The only one it bothered me in front of was Sister Mary Alice.
I guess that after showering with 30 other girls five days a week for six years I lost all inhibitions about being nude in a female locker room, and it only occasionally hits me that maybe my blow-drying my hair and doing my makeup totally nude in the mirror for 20 minutes straight might be making some of the other women in the locker room a little uncomfortable? I'm not trying to be an exhibitionist by any means! I just grew completely comfortable with walking around nude in the girls/women's locker room.
To be honest with you though, I'm sure no ones looking at me anyway, and that no one would be looking at you either if you were nude in the locker room. Everyone's too busy doing their own thing anyway. Over time you might even feel "liberated" once your able to be comfortably nude in the locker room. You'd be surprised how quickly in fact!
Did your friend notice that you were uncomfortable with her nudity?
Annette
Annette,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story, which not only juxtaposes the concept of religion becoming a catalyst for self inflicted shame, but also shows us all there really are closet homosexuals posing as nuns so they can secretly get their rocks off by watching young girls in the nude.
Sister Mary Alice sounds like a cantankerous pervo cuss. But it pleases me to discover that we can just as easily get over our squeemish behaviors by merely being forced to take the naked walk of shame 5 out of 7 days of the week. There is hope for us after all! It's strange that Sister Mary Alice did not allow you to wear a towel though. This I may have to disagree with. Kind of awkward. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I am familiar with the species of female who is completely at ease being completely nude in the locker room. I am a far cry from reaching this point of comfort with self, however you are right about no one giving a rat's ass about it. They may notice the nakedness at first, but a second glance wouldn't be given, unless they want to be pegged as a deviant.
To answer your question, I don't think my friend noticed I was uncomfortable at the time, but she did eventually read this blog and laugh her ass off about it. Perhaps she knew something was up...
Cynthia
Thank you for your reply.
Yes, it always stood out to me as odd that Sister Mary Alice would not allow us to cover up with a towel. I understand the importance of having required us to shower after gym class, because at that age some kids might not yet have the maturity to realize the need to shower after getting all sweaty in gym class. But it always seemed like she was getting off on watching us walk around nude.
I mentioned it to my mother at the time, but she just figured that there had to be a reasonable explanation for it.
Funny thing is that I have had similar locker room experiences with a friend of mine at the gym as you had with your friend, only I was the one who was more similar to your friend in my case.
I have on a few occasions taken a friend of mine to the gym with me as my guest. She went to a public school in high school that did not require them to shower after their gym classes, so she had never showered in group showers like the ones in schools.
My gyms showers are also communal group showers like the ones in schools. The first time I took my friend to the gym as my guest she was not aware that the showers weren't going to have any privacy. We had plans to go out to dinner after we worked out, so she was planning on showering, and she took her soap and shampoo and clothes with her to the gym.
So to make a long story a little shorter, she took her very first "group" shower after our workout, and she was kind of embarrassed at first. I think she relaxed a little after the first minute or two though. She said it didn't bother her that she was nude in front of me, or that I was nude in front of her, but she was afraid that other women would be peeking at her in the shower and judging her.
Not only is no one looking, but she has a figure that most women would be thrilled to have.
I don't know if you ever watch Dr. Phil? But it's like he has said, "You wouldn't worry what other people think about you if you knew how seldom they do think about you."
Take care!
Annette.
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