people are so fucking realistic

Is it the times, again? The times, as they are, making us so fucking realistic? So jaded? It's impossible to create a lofty ideal for yourself anymore. What's the point of being lofty and quixotic, if you have to keep it trapped deep in the pits of your psyche? Ah, to share, to dream...but no. Relating your ideals to your friends, who are beyond the brink of cynical and hardened by modern society, this leads to their funny tendency to shoot down your "unrealistic" ideals. They know what's going to happen. They always do. They see the pitfalls of your predicament straight away. It hits you like a wave of mutilation. Your ego and dreamy notions are left feeling like a deflated balloon. What's wrong with having a starry-eyed crush? What's wrong with feeling warm and fuzzy about someone you haven't even spoken to? What's wrong with believing in people? What's wrong with hoping THIS TIME will be different? This can only mean that there is merely a shred of innocence left your tortured soul. And society is trying to stomp out your fire with it's big black boot.

Do we have to automatically think about the negative consequences and reprocussions of our actions, before we even act on them? Or are we merely given fair warning of what's to come? Can our jaded outlook on life be proven wrong, just this once? Do we always have to protect ourselves ahead of time, by acknowledging the fault in people? When will we be free? When will we free ourselves?

remember when a dime bag used to cost a dime?

Tough times we're living in. Every morning I wake up to NPR, as if life wasn't bad enough. I'm bombarded with constant reminders of how shitty times are, how emaciated our spirits are, how economically fucked we are. Did you know spam sales have currently skyrocketed as a cause of this recession? And Walmart is thriving more than ever. Grim shit.

I can't get a second job. Anywhere. I keep putting my resume out there. Nothing. No one's biting. Remember when waiting tables was a no brainer? If anything, you could wait tables. Now those jobs are scarce too. Right about now, nothing is sacred. I've gone to a couple interviews lately, for jobs in the food service industry. This experience entails walking into a room of 20-30 people, in suit and tie no less, with portfolios in hand, waiting for a shot at working in the restaurant biz. Lines of people fighting it out. I graduated from college, and I can't get a job waiting on you at the pizza hut. What in the hell is going on? Should I do like wallstreet and jump out a window?

Ok I lied about the pizza hut. These serving positions are a little more high end. But still. The competition for a measly job that would've been easy to get a year ago is fierce. It scares me a lot. Given that I'm considering quitting my job within the next 6 months and giving up stable income, medical insurance, and a free ride education for the unknown...yeah, I'm nervous. Sweating bullets actually.

Or perhaps this "unknown" can be better pegged as the pursuit of happiness. Because if I have to continue spending my days tediously replying to hundreds of e-mails, or answering another phone call with, "Hi this is Cynthia, how can I help you?" I might really jump out a window.