weed makes me see me

Recently I have been partaking heavily in use of the illicit drug, Marijuana, after a short hiatus. There was a time in my life when I was a heavy pot smoker and it pretty much took over my life. I had low grades, gained weight and experienced a serious lack of motivation. Nowadays I smoke much less and use it as more of a recreational activity. Yet, I don't experience as much pleasure in smoking weed as I used to. This is why I've stopped smoking as much. I often find myself divulging in a sea of dark thoughts when stoned. I analyze my life and hate what I see. As an already paranoid person, my fears and doubts amplify precipitously and envelop me. I begin to question my purpose and experience a dreadfully intense fear and hopelessness when wondering where my life is going. I see all my faults and weaknesses very clearly. It's a horrendous realization. But I ask myself, is this necessarily a bad thing? In some way, shape, or form, do I need this? Pot, which in theory is the cause of slothfulness and lack of direction, has given me the insight I need to better my life and myself. Sometimes there's no better wake up call than to see your self in the mirror. I see me and I don't fully like what I see. Though at one time weed was the root of my problems, it has given me the power to see me for who I really am and inspired me to change and become whom I really want to be. If that's not ironic, I don't know what is.