concerts for dummies

PJ Harvey made a rare appearance in San Diego. I went to go see her this past Friday and I must say, she kills. I love going to shows not only for the band but for the whole experience, especially the people watching. There's always something interesting to stare at when a large group of people ranging between the ages of 21 to 40 get thrown together into a venue. I witnessed a few spectacles myself, nothing out of the ordinary, but amusing nonetheless. Want to hear it, here it goes...

It amazes me that people still haven't gotten the concept of "shows" down quite right. Given, you can get a pretty good feel of whether there is going to be a mellow crowd with minimal pushing and shoving, or whether you will be surrounded with those who like to "rock out with their cocks out". Either way, when dealing with general admission, you should be ready for anything (within reason).

I always get stuck standing by the freako who is alone and aggro, but I deal with it. So of course, I get stuck standing behind this tall guy (I'm 5'1) who's wasted on ecstasy or something. He kept yelling, "I love you!" after each and every song ended and was continually flipping off the people standing on the balcony for some reason. It didn't really bother me too much, I just minded my own biz. Then of course you have your two token "hot" girls who are completely over dressed and linked arm in arm, that decide to start pushing violently through the crowd half-way through the show. It never fails, anytime I go to a show that's in a large bar setting I encounter two sluts who decide they need to be in the front, pronto. They use an overly bitchy approach and topple over anyone in their path on their way up, as if saying "fuck standing in the back like everyone else, I'm wearing a tube top!" It doesn't matter that the people who really wanted to be up close got there early and stood waiting for two hours straight before the band started. Those girls didn't give a rats ass. But you know who did? Freaky aggro guy on ecstasy. Yeah, he nearly punched them when they pushed him on their way through the crowd. I think he elbowed one of them in the gut. That calmed them down real quick and they kind of faded into the background after that.

There were these two dudes who were really rocking out and they obviously wanted to get closer to the stage. So they kind of bum rushed past me and a few others, but it really wasn't necessary because everyone was just calmly standing there. So one can imagine the crowd not really feeling them at that moment. Hell I wasn't pleased, I nearly got knocked over. Yet I wasn't pissed either, because I know it comes with the territory. Sure it was a prick move, but who am I to try and stop them? Trying to stop this type of occurrence from happening only makes a scene for one, and it makes you look like a dorko crybaby. This brings me to my next point, people standing right in front of the stage should not be shocked when others push, shove and try to get closer. When it comes to general admission, it's a free for all. Still, every show I go to I hear people, girls particularly, whining and crying about a little pushing and shoving. It makes me crazy. If it's too rough, get out! Go sit in the bleachers or something. What's worse is those who try to not let people go past them. What's the point of that? They're just like those a-holes who don't let you pass them on the freeway. No reason in particular, they just don't want you in front of them. It's some sort of ego thing. I see it this way, if someone is pushing their way to the front, they obviously really want to be in the front and are willing to fight for it. I'm not going to risk getting clothes lined or elbowed just to stop them from getting in front of me. Big deal, go ahead. They obviously want it more than I do.

So case in point, a group of girls having a girls night out nearly boxed with the two guys who bum rushed to the front. Those girls got really mad. A pushing and shoving match ensued between them, back and forth for minutes at a time. It was amusing to watch. Soon after this dude said to one of the guys in response to the pushing, "Hijo de su madre, guey". I guess since the two guy's who bum rushed forward looked ethnic enough for the other dude to assume they were Hispanic, he decided to address them in their native tongue. Very clever of him. What was even more clever was the Hispanic guy's response which was simply, "I'm sorry I don't speak Spanish" and then looking away. Clearly this was a lie, because he and his friend were speaking Spanish the whole time. Haha. Boy, did that guy feel dumb. Stupendous!

Ok, so what did we learn?

1. When at shows, don't shit yourself when people start pushing.
2. If people are trying to push their way to the front, let them; no use in stopping the inevitable. They will knock you down if they have to.
3. If you are pushing your way to the front, be reasonable about it. That means you, late twenty-something pseudo hot broads. Don't take advantage of the fact that you think you're cute (not everyone thinks so) and rudely push people out of the way. Have some class.

Follow these three simple rules and we will all live well and prosper at our favorite shows!