the most unromantic love letter ever written to me

My corazon belongs to a puta :)

Dear Cynthia,

I hope you remember me. If you don't, here is what I look like: ////
Get it? I'm slanty.
Anyways, in all seriousness, I was thinking about last semester and I don't think I ever told you "thanks" for sitting next to me in algae class. It really meant a lot to me and I looked forward to every single lab because of those few hours that I could talk to you in person. I know damn well that you would have much rather sat next to Cheryl or someone else with a vagina so you could talk about girl stuff like "what's new with periods", "breast-soreness", or even The Lake House. . . but you sat next to me and made it an awesome class for me. Thanks.
Even though school is over, I really think it would be stupid if we never saw each other again. . . especially because you know that I love you and that you yourself would like to open up and love me too. That is why I suggest that we should hang out some time, maybe grab a pita or some sushi. . . whatever. We can go as friends which will hopefully lead to oral right away. Well, I think you know what I'm trying to say: It would be dumb for two awesome people to lose contact with each other, especially physical contact.
Have you even seen my hands? They are quite beautiful AND I would never treat you wrong, unless you count me beating the crap out of your cervix as a bad thing.
Is your boyfriend dead yet?