my random thoughts for the day

1. Cowboy boots are so hot right now. NOT! I don't care if every reputable fashion magazine lays out pages of pro-white trash propaganda stating cowboy boots are the new "must have" fall item. Them shits are dumb. Four out of five times I will see some chick wearing them and four out of five times she will look dopey as hell. I don't care how hot you are, chances are you are not hot enough to pull them off. Leave those boots to Nancy Sinatra, not for walking...especially not in public. Because I will secretly laugh at you.

2. Isn't gleaking fascinating? You never know when it's going to happen, and you can't understand how the hell it happens. It occurs every so often, I say at least once a year you're due for the spontaneous gleak. You won't even sense it coming either. One minute your reviewing the day's events with your best bud and a split second later, their face is covered in spit. Hopefully they would be far enough away to not get hit, but a gleak can usually get some distance on it. What's most compelling about the gleak is that you can never recreate it, it only occurs by some kind of freak accident. Few people can do it on command, but they probably account for 3% of the population, which may be along the same ratio of people who can bug their eyes out of their head or wiggle their ears. You can probably also be sure of that 3% of the population being made up of a bunch of 12 year old jerk-off kids, who will use their gift for evil.

3. Walking into Walmart makes me want to blow my brains out. Unfortunately I haven't cut all my ties to Walmart. Yep, I'm a hypocrite. I can't get contact lenses through my fucking HMO so I have to go to goddamn Walmart. I went there yesterday to pick up a new pack of contact lenses and from the second I walk in there, I am in a cyclone of screaming children, brain dead employees and no room for walking. It's enough to make you want to hold a pistol to your temple. Going to Walmart is about as fun as being trapped in a coffin. No, that fucking smiley face sticker that you give me when I walk out will not make those 5 minutes of hell that I spent in there any less miserable. Next time I go in there, I better be stoned off my ass.

4. I wish I had a penis so I could pee anywhere. It's so unfair that I have to squat to piss. Today I sat on some whore's piss in the restroom. Man I was livid. Apparently she hasn't read up on my thoughts about leaving your piss all over the seat; that bitch. Not only would I have an easier time going pee wherever I pleased with a penis, but I would also play fun tricks too. If I had a penis, I would tie a string to it and hold the string out of my sweat pants and then ask people to "pull my string". Maybe it's good that I don't have a penis...