Yoga instructor vs. Pilates instructor

I've been teaching at a shitty gym in Brooklyn for a month now. I'm upping my class load, starting to get a small following of devoted beginner yogis and am about ready to roll up my sleeves and come down on the pilates instructor's dome, with fists.

She's a crazy, bipolar, retarded bitch. The first day I taught at the gym, I had an icy interaction with her over the room set up. She wasn't outright rude, but I could tell there was a territorial situation formulating, as she taught the bulk of classes at the gym. Her name is "Fauziya" and she wears ridiculous work-out attire, like really low cut bra tops that show off her low hanging ape tits and short spandex unitards in unorthodox colors, such as all white. I think she wears a wig too. She's busted looking.

The problems with Fauziya began when her classes started to run a little longer than they were supposed to. I teach yoga at 12 p.m. Fauziya teaches a cardio/aerobics class at 10:30 a.m. Her class ends at "11:30 a.m." There are quotes around 11:30 because she rarely ends at 11:30. She usually goes until 11:45 a.m. Sometimes even 11:55 a.m. I usually don't care, except for the time I walked in and the room stunk to high hell like armpit. There wasn't adequate time for the room to air out before my class, so my student's walked into a B.O. sauna. It hit you like a wave. I'd never smelled anything like that. A formidable scent indeed. Stung the nostrils. It annoyed me, but I never said anything to her. I let it slide. Even when she would barge into my class mid session to get something, and make a racket in the process, I wouldn't say anything. I let it go. I figured, as long as she didn't go into my class time it was fine. Then I started going over my class time too. I figured if she could do it, why couldn't I? So I would end class at 1:05 p.m. Sometimes 1:10 p.m. Problem was her pilates class started at 1 p.m. There was no 30 minute gap between. Fauziya started to lose her shit a little. She had words with the front desk boy. She sent him in to do her dirty work.

Sam, the guy who runs the front desk on weekends, let me know she demanded I end class on time. He said she was "very upset" that I went into her class time. She didn't want to tell me herself, so she asked Sam to do it. I was surprised. I never fancied Fauziya a passive aggressive type, but I guess her bark is pretty loud and likely worse than her bite. Meanwhile, she just continued ignoring me when we would pass each other in the gym. So I did the same. And because I'm a decent human being, I was more cautious about ending class on time.

But then sometimes life happens. This past weekend I was running late. To make matters worse the L train was running "express," which is horse shit because the L train never runs express. It skipped my stop and went in two more. I was shitting myself because the trains also happened to be running every 12 minutes as opposed to every 4 minutes. I was already about 10 minutes late. I couldn't wait for another train. I left the subway station in search of a cab. By some grace of God, there happened to be a cab in Brooklyn and I managed to hail it. There are never cabs in Brooklyn. I must stress how miraculous this was. So I got to class about 15 minutes late. All my students waited for me, and I still managed to end the class about 1 p.m., 1:05 p.m. to be exact. I even apologized to Fauziya for my lateness, told her I was sorry I went over a little. She said, "ohh no problem" and walked away. I figured we were on decent terms at that point.

Well today was the first day I taught a Monday class. I gave pretty short notice to all parties involved regarding the change in schedule. So when I approached the aerobics room, I was not surprised to find Fauziya inside, still conducting a class. My students and I waited outside the room patiently until about 8:20 p.m. It didn't look like she was trying to end the class. We wondered whether she knew I was teaching a class 20 minutes ago. Then one thing led to another and we started to discuss her colorful (slutty) wardrobe choices, how she rudely walked into our class every single week, how she was a lousy loud motherfucker, etc. The clock ticked on. 8:25 p.m. One of the students asked if she should alert the front desk. I says, "Sure." Fauziya clearly needed to know the score.

Well Fauziya did not react favorably. Mind you I hadn't said a word to her, but as soon as the front desk guy stepped into her room to ask about her ending time, she flung the door open, stepped outside and looked at me.

"You need to stop having side conversations. I don't appreciate you having your side conversations outside my class. You run your class late every week and I don't ever bother you about it. Do not interrupt me while I'm instructing. You need to respect my class please THANK YOU!"

And with that she slammed the door behind her and went back to teaching pilates. I stood there in amazement. Everything she had just said was just plain crazy.

I didn't run my class late every week. I had not interrupted her class, as she had mine, week after week, when she would walk into my class while it was in session to pick up some weights, or a cardio ball, or some other shit she "forgot." It was obvious this woman was disturbed.

Jason (front desk guy) became incensed and went to call the manager and report what happened. The manager tells him to kick Fauziya out of the room, which I was wary of doing, for we didn't know what she was capable of. Well, Fauziya then flew into a rage, directing the bulk of it at yours truly. She needed little reason to openly hate me.

"I will end my class when I want to end my class! Do not interrupt my class with your side conversations ever again! Respect my class! You do NOT do that to another instructor..."

"I didn't say a WORD to you..."

"You end your classes late every week and I don't bother you about it. You were 20 minutes late last week and I didn't say anything, so I'm gonna end my class when I feel like it. If you don't like it too bad. You can WAIT!"

And with that she re-enters her class where all her students (and mine) have just witnessed the spectacle she put on. I was a little embarrassed for her. She made herself look really stupid, not to mention unprofessional. Not only did she cause an unwarranted and unnecessary scene, but she created a divide between her students and mine, like there's some kind of rivalry between the pilates and yoga people. When her students filed out of the room, there was a couple looks of contempt cast my way, as I was "the enemy." At this point I'm thinking, "Fauziya is middle finger dipped in monster. She's been sent here to destroy me."

I didn't say much to her after that. She seems pretty unstable. Picking a fight with her may not be worth it. She'd be likely to throw a brick through a window in a fit of rage, or slash someones tires; a definite contender for keeping it so real it goes wrong and she lands herself in jail. I don't want any of that. I choose my battles. This one doesn't seem so savory.

As I entered the aerobics room I heard her bellowing at the poor front desk guy, "Jaaaason! GET over here NOW!"

I felt sorry for that guy and he also felt sorry for me. He later confessed she often harassed him sexually, touching him and coming up behind him and loudly saying things that made him feel gross inside. Many of the other employees and members at the gym also expressed a sentiment of disdain toward Fauziya, where they complained of being able to hear her shouting over their headphones, from across the gym. Her aggressive, primitive behaviors are not sitting well with many. She's clearly a problem at Absolute Power Fitness. And now, I have no choice but to destroy her. Her ass is grass...