"Health Care" according to Kaiser Permanente

Get it taken care of, they said.  It's easy, they just freeze it and it's gone.  My instinctual tendency to want to avoid visiting the doctor is no coincidence, and today was a testament to that, disproving the above mentioned "it's no big deal, just get your ass to the doctor" mentality.  The skin tag on the right side of my mid back was beginning to cross over into the unpleasant and gross territory.  From continual snagging on my bra and clothing, it had been stretched and pulled into newer, more expansive proportions.  It felt like a displaced third nipple.  Being that I was soon to lose a hefty percentage of my health care coverage at the cause of being "laid off," I finally decided that I would get to a doctors office and get it taken care of. Upon making the appointment I was very specific about what I wanted out of the visit.  I told the woman on the phone, "I have a skin tag that is enlarged and bothersome because it is continually getting caught in my clothing, and I would like it removed."  I mean shit, that's pretty clear cut right?  Well cut is the operative word here, I suppose, because my practitioner cut the skin tag off me today with a pair of scissors.

I'm still horrified.  Let's start there.  My general practitioner Dr. Khan seemed to be new, because she didn't know where anything was and nervously over explained logistics and mundane details I didn't give a shit about.  The nurse had to show her where the drawer with the supplies was.  What she lacked in experience, she made up for in talking to you like you were a retarded ten year old.  By over accentuating words and sounding enthusiastic she managed to talk me into bypassing a dermatologist.  I ended up feeling a lot like a retarded ten year old, actually.  I also remember feeling sullen.  Maybe even a little disappointed in life.

 I suppose I was lucky I got anesthesia.  Sure I may get an infection, but hell, why go through the time and trouble of getting referred to a specialist who has the proper equipment to remove a growth on my back when I can just have it lopped off over the counter?  What a fucking primadona I am.  Goddamn.  

What's more, Dr. Khan also explained to me that many people come in with similar requests, but many have clusters of smaller skin tags all over their necks.  She mentioned that in those cases they just tell the patient to "go home and cut it off themselves."

WTF?  Isn't that what they tell you not to do?  So I could have saved myself a $15 co-payment and cut this thing off myself at home?  Balls.  

I also asked her about the mole on my face while she was examining me, and without so much as looking at me or asking any questions she blurted "If you've had it all your life it's fine."  Cool.  

After injecting the skin tag with an anesthetic, she had me lie down on her little table of horrors while she pulled out her scissors and other shit that was completely inappropriate for this procedure.  She told me she needed me not to talk to her for a while because she had to concentrate.  I was repulsed.  Then I stared sadly at the ground.  I began to wonder what people said when they were told by their doctor to go home and cut their skin tags off themselves.  

She started to come in on me with the scissors.  It honestly scared me.  I just couldn't get over how low budget and morose this was.  On so many levels.  Why was this happening?  Why was I letting it?  

Thankfully it didn't hurt much, but here I am ten hours later in a little pain.  Funny thing is, a friend told me his aunt used to remove skin tags by tightening a hair around them, then waiting until they died and fell off.  At first that story grossed me out, but it's sounding pretty palatable at this point.  It makes more sense then ripping off the thing while it's still fresh.  Especially since my back wouldn't stop bleeding.  It didn't help that I had taken about 1400 mg's of ibuprofin the previous day.  Real neat.

After my "procedure" was over I asked her about my back.  I told her my lumbar spine had been in pain for about 4 months due to over exertion in yoga class.  She poked around my spine and said it felt fine.  She also told me because I was petite I didn't have strong muscles in my back and that's why I was prone to hurt it.  It's weird because I do yoga about 3-5 times a week, so I feel like I have a pretty strong muscular frame, but whatever.  I was also advised to never to do backbends as well, one of the common types of poses in most yoga classes.  Sure, no more back bends ever again.  You got it.

Then she gave me some literature on back pain.  Actually, she couldn't find it.  She had to ask the nurse again.  It was hidden behind the pamphlet about "Gonorrhea."  I guess their pamphlet section was out of alphabetical order, that's why she couldn't find it.  It had nothing to do with the fact that she's a clueless tird.

All in all I really got boned dry today, but the unfortunate part of all this is, you see your doctor feeling like you're supposed to be able to trust them, thus you're automatically prone to being cajoled into these sorts of unsavory happenings.  Something inside you knows it's wrong, but you are confused and scared and so wearing that stupid little smock, so you feel extra vulnerable at the cause of your semi nakedness.  And even when I did ask questions, she blew me off and came up with some reason why her bunk reasoning was correct.  What is one to do?  It's a lose-lose.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get tetanus or something.  If I do, you better believe I'm writing a complaint to the grievances department.  Yeah, really stick it to 'em.  Yah...

Help Obama!  Do something!  You promised...