two is the loneliest number

Emptiness.  She’d felt the emptiness for weeks now.  She felt it even before he left her.  She knew the fall would come, in this way.  Lying next to him at night, she felt so damn lonely.  She’d never felt that lonely, even when alone. 

          “Have you ever been in love?” she asked him.

          He looked away.

          “True love,” she said.

          “Maybe once,” he said. 

          “Do you love me?” she asked.

          He looked down.

          “Look at me,” she said. 

He hadn’t really looked at her for the last few months they’d spent together.  She held on.  She held on longer than she should have.  It was hard to forget who he was to her.  How safe she felt with him.  She kept thinking about how he used to look at her.  She kept thinking.

She remembered all of this and she forgot herself.  She pleaded with him.  She begged him.  Sitting across from him at the bar where they’d agreed to meet, the place they used to come when his eyes shone, she asked him why.

          “It’s not fair to you,” he said. 

          “I care for you,” she said.  “I need you to know.  I care about you, no matter what you say,” she said, tears forming.

          “I’ve been feeling so guilty,” he said, shaking his head.  “I can’t.  It’s just not fair.  I have no time to give.  It’s not fair to you.”

          “But we can make time…” she pleaded.

          “Our time is over,” he snapped.

          “Please,” she said, and felt a welling in her chest. 

          He turned his head away.

          “Can I please come with you?” she said, looking at him, her eyes searching his for a shred of tenderness.

          He turned towards her.  He closed his eyes and opened them. 

          “I just want to be with you one last time.  You make me feel safe,” she uttered.

          “You really are a masochist,” he said. 

          She looked down at her hands folded in her lap.

          “Just understand one thing,” he warned.  “I will be terrible company.”

          She nodded.

She accepted this, whatever he could give, though it wasn’t much.