Monotony = Monogamy?

So I was standing there doing my evening ritual: flossing, brushing, applying my life-altering face creams, thinking about how certain levels of monotony are absolutely necessary to retain your wholeness as a human being. Though we generally frown upon the concept of monotony, it can be pretty enjoyable.

Yet when one is at extremes of sadness, joy and distraction (lust), the tendency is to abandon monotony incorporated to our wholeness. Pleasure seeking comes first, all other self-related items come secondary. Honestly, in the honeymoon stages of dating who wants to be with the person who jumps out of bed post-coitus to perform grooming rituals such as brushing and flossing? Talk about a love buzzkill. There's nothing less attractive than rigid behavior totally devoid of spontaneity. So as the thrill seeker you are, you skip on flossing one night, or two. This becomes habit and in not continuing to floss, you buy yourself a fast pass to gingivitis-ville. Not hot. Exercise is a similar story. You ended up not going for that jog you promised yourself, because you wanted to spend more time with your significant other. What sounds more fun: wine, dinner and sex with your partner or chest and triceps at the gym? Doi.

In turn, it's your personal self-improvement time that's denied to keep the relationship going at its hottest and most enjoyable, when eventually, this only leads to the demise of the relationship. Once you start losing a sense of yourself in order to assimilate to being a unit, the essence of who your partner initially became attracted to is lost, compromised, faded into a memory. You notice the shift within yourself and ultimately begin to question your own integrity. You begin doubting your abilities, and in attempts to obtain comfort and validation, you cling to the very unit that holds you together by a thread. It's not long before you're lying awake next to your partner at night, feeling utterly alone, more than you've ever felt in the most isolated of situations. This system is designed to fail.

Some of our biggest failures in our relationships come about when we deny ourselves access to that small, substantial factor called humanity. We all need room for error and recuperation. It gives us identity and sanity, two very important components for a functional relationship. The next time you are rushing to an appointment with your significant other, worried and stressed about all the other items you've glossed over in exchange for not pissing your b/gf because "they haven't seen you all week," remember that you have a right to sit and clip your toe nails in peace for 20 minutes, if it makes you feel whole. This will only enhance the experience shared between you and your partner, because something as inconsequential as giving yourself time to clip your toe-nails can be meditative, restorative and will give you unspoken sense of peace that gets carried into other endeavors. We need time to decompress between junctures. This is something I still very much need to incorporate into my repertoire, as I tend to unrealistically schedule several appointment I'll never make into my daily schedule. I end up being late to all of them, or not even attempting for lack of time, leading to loads of frustration or a sense of failure, which unfortunately becomes projected onto others. The sting that follows momentarily rejecting some romantic hang time for personal monotony time will prove far less arduous to handle than enduring behemoth heartbreak, or the demise of a significant relationship.

It's like I tell my yoga kids in class, in being present and knowing when it's time to take care of yourself, you'll be better able to serve others. What's on the other side of your personal monotony? Sometimes the grass isn't always greener. Not that I'm an authority on the matter or anything. I myself am still trying to find better pastures.