When you lose, don't lose the lesson

All is vanity. My friend used this phrase as the caption when posting some pictures of us on Facebook. How so very appropriate as a segway into my thoughts...

I believe everyone is their own little walking universe. Our world, everything that's happening around us, is certainly shaped by our actions. And the universe tries to tell us things. Question is, will we listen? I've lost several things over the course of this past year. And by "things" I mean both material and personal relationships. I have been so bogged down by vanity. My planetary solar system stripped me over and over, yet I'm still not naked. The fog is slowly clearing. Not with judgement or recrimination, but with a willingness to move on.

I made this realization walking to work, after a mild post-drunken depression, grappling with the idea of possibly having an alcohol problem, thinking back to the hope I'd put in that damned fortune cookie that said good luck was forthcoming, thinking it ironic, when I saw a shattered full length mirror leaning against a building. I kind of lost my shit a little. The idea that propelled this whole epiphany was initially feeling grateful for not having a full length mirror in my new apartment. I had been pondering how it was probably healthy to strip yourself of your attachments for a while, to balance things out, to add another aspect to your character and make yourself whole. Without a mirror, I had to more or less let go of the idea of looking 'perfect' before leaving the house. I battle with a narcissistic tendency when it comes to my looks. Being so attached to my vanity and needing to look a certain way every time I leave the house has impeded me professionally and financially, as I'm nearly always late and am constantly spending money on shit I don't need. It takes me forever to get ready. Ask anyone who knows me.

Shit. My face was being pushed into it.

I also realize I've probably been a wreck lately because I haven't written at all in weeks. When I don't write, I become a quiet storm. Or the incredible hulk.

Shit. The universe speaks...